Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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