I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
