New low: just hacked my moms facebook
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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