Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
