She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As shirtless as possible
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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