Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
