I am puke
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize