He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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