I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
