you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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