I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
