Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
