and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The struggles of a small town man whore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
