A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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