Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
