So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize