are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
