I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize