i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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