he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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