Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
