For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
