so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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