Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
