I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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