Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
