i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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