i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
