It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
