This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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