Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
