I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
