All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
