Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
