no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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