A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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