does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
