My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
