i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
