why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
