my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
