He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My vagina just recognized that song.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
