the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
