i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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