hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
