Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
