my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
