hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
