The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
this hospital has no fireball
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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