Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He passed out mid-signature
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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