You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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