what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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