He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
