Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
