I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
