omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
