I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
