Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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