can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
