He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize