So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
