I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
