The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
