Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
