i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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