WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So much Jack, so little girl.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
