so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thus making me awesome and them whores
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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