My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
