I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
