i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
