Dude my mom stole all your condoms
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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