At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
