you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
