they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
