did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
