I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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