I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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