Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
