Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
