I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize