He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
