I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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