I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
