It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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