I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
