My underwear smells like fireworks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
