OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize