I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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