What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
