I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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