Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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