so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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