he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
