I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
