sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
