When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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