Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
