READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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