Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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