I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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