1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
