someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
