goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your cock deserves a montage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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