okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
